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I never wanted a pet. Yes, I’d grown up with pets, but I had decided I did not want any of my own. They were too much work. That sounds selfish, but it really isn’t. When you have a pet, that pet deserves all the attention and care that it requires to live a full and happy life. I just wasn’t sure I had it in me to be a pet parent. I mean, I could barely take care of myself and my kid. Add another dependent being into the mix, and it might just send me over the edge. It didn’t seem fair to subject a helpless animal to such a foolhardy experiment.
Years ago, when my young daughter asked for a pet, I made the mistake of telling her that we couldn’t have one until we moved into our own place, a place we owned. The day I signed the papers to buy our current home she said, “So can we get a pet now?”
Crap.
But I had made a promise, and I had to keep it so we got a cat. We picked one out at my parents’ farm and brought him home the week we moved in, Thanksgiving week. He was about 7 or 8 at the time, and he’s been with us the last 8 years. He's helped us navigate a lot of tough years, shown us how to love unconditionally, and been a better friend to us than I could ever be to another.
Today will be his last day with us.
His health has drastically declined over the last year, even more so the last few months. The kitty who was once labeled overweight by the vet is now a mere few pounds. We’ve struggled to manage his illnesses over the past few months with little luck.
He is an incredibly smart cat. One of a kind really. I know most pet parents say that about their pets, but this cat is really something special. I’ve been told this by friends who have owned cats their whole lives. Even people who thought they weren’t cat people love my cat.
He knows a few tricks. And I didn’t spend hours teaching him or anything. He just picked them up with a bit of coaxing. He knows shake, high five, and a few others. My favorite is when you kiss the top of his head and say, “Kisses,” he’ll kiss your cheek. He hasn’t shown any interest in doing his tricks for a while now.
I’m going to miss that.
I’m going to miss him standing at the back door saying, “Out!” Yes, he spoke at times, too. He would often say, "Yeah," at the most perfect time in a conversation as if he knew what was being said. I'm going to miss that, too. I’m going to miss the way he used to jump up on his spot on the couch next to mine and would look at me like, “Are you coming?” I’m going to miss the way we used to snuggle on the couch. I was very sick last week, and all I wanted was my boy to come snuggle with me on the couch. But he can’t. He’s too fragile and weak to climb the stairs anymore, much less the furniture. I think that’s when I knew. I just wasn’t ready to admit it. Until the vet told me that there isn’t anything more we can do but keep him comfortable.
When we first brought him home all those years ago, I made him a promise. I promised him that I would not hold on too long. I promised him that if things got bad, I would have the courage to let him go with dignity and grace. And once he stole my heart, I promised that I would love him until the end.
Today I’m keeping that promise.
This quote by C.S. Lewis from The Four Loves says it all:
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.”
This little man has broken my heart, and I am better for it.
